I have not updated in awhile, but I was caught up in over my head with a Halloween party, 1 research paper, 2 HUGE essay's, 3 finals and trying to still be a Mom at the same time-- oh, and getting ready to relocate at the end of the year, so, add researching new public schools, day cares, baseball sign ups, art schools (for keegan), etc., it has been hectic...I did finish all the classes (not much of the rest listed), did well and now I can enjoy the Holidays with my children and give them the attention they deserve ;)
My first action today to do with Kaleb in trying to give him some much needed one on one attention, was to go "dinosaur bone Hunting" ya, I know, sounds a bit caveman like, however, Kaleb loves Dinosaurs and for the past 8 weeks has been pushed (literally) to the side while I was busy with my online classes. We had fun, however, we did not find any bones...hmmm, one day I need to set it so we do! How much fun he would have finding some on an exploration one day.
Today was the first time that I pulled up to the elementary school and just let Keegan jump out of the car and make her way into the school on her own. As I was driving up to the driveway, I said, do you want to walk up by yourself, and to my surprise she said "yes, and smiled...really big" How funny: to proudly watch your daughter becoming independent and hating every single second of it too. It's an odd combo of feeling to have, and I feel odd sharing it here, but maybe somebody else knows what I mean and it validates their feelings as well. I pushed and pushed my first born to walk early, to talk early, to start reading early, to be independent and when she really started "acting like a big girl" the only thing I want is to hold her as a baby again. It probably explains why I don't push my second born-as hard, I just let him be...Im just letting him grow up at his own speed, at his own pace. Some say I baby him, and perhaps I do--to a small extent, but he is my baby. And, if I would not have done such a good job at making my daughter an independent fireball, I would slow her down too...however, she's already gone....at the pace I set her on--years ago. Is it a flaw of mine to now want them to stay little just for alittle longer? Or is it me just trying to keep life still for just a second before it turns into a memory or a chunk of memory on my digital camera...I prefer to have the memories alive in my arms for as long as possible, to lengthen the quality of their childhood. Some of us did not have that...and as for me and my children we will.
Anyhow, Life has been good, some drama, but a lot of life going on here and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Im learning it takes a lot flexiblity and listening to others, not that they are correct, or even romotely right--but sometimes--they are and it's worth listening and thinking about everything somebody tells you or brings insight to you, however, the truth is, during life we are all still learning, whether it's about raising children, trying to maintain relationships, english comp, or just learning to eat a better there is so much out there to learn and I can say I feel like I have just earned a PhD in life in the last few weeks.
